Keigo Level Matching: Reading the Room
Quick Answer: Three keigo levels in practice: (1) casual/plain form — close friends, family, children, (2) teineigo (です/ます) — acquaintances, coworkers, daily interactions, (3) full keigo...
Knowing when to use which level of politeness
Category: Keigo (Honorifics)
The Rule
Three keigo levels in practice: (1) casual/plain form — close friends, family, children, (2) teineigo (です/ます) — acquaintances, coworkers, daily interactions, (3) full keigo (sonkeigo + kenjougo) — clients, superiors, formal situations. Matching the wrong level is more jarring than grammar mistakes.
Why This Matters
English speakers often learn full keigo and then use it everywhere, or stick to plain form because keigo is hard. Both extremes cause problems. Over-polite speech to friends feels cold and distant; casual speech to clients feels disrespectful. The challenge is reading the social context and adjusting.
Examples
• 今日、飲みに行かない？ (friend) — "Wanna go out for drinks today?" [Plain/casual — appropriate between close friends] • 今日、飲みに行きませんか？ (colleague) — "Would you like to go for drinks today?" [Teineigo — appropriate for workplace acquaintances] • 本日、お食事にいらっしゃいませんか？ (formal invitation) — "Would you care to join us for dinner today?" [Full keigo — formal/business invitation]
Common Mistakes
❌ 先生、今日暇？ (to your teacher) ✅ 先生、今日お時間ありますか？ → Casual form to a teacher is inappropriate regardless of how friendly you are. Teachers generally receive at least teineigo ❌ お母様、召し上がりますか？ (to your own mother) ✅ お母さん、食べる？ / お母さん、食べますか？ → Sonkeigo for your own mother is bizarre in normal conversation. Family uses plain or basic polite form
Quick Tip
Start at teineigo with new people. If they switch to plain form, you can follow. In business, maintain keigo until explicitly told to relax (and even then, keep basics). Age and seniority matter: younger/junior person should wait for the senior to signal relaxation.
Start at teineigo with new people. If they switch to plain form, you can follow. In business, maintain keigo until explicitly told to relax (and even then, keep basics). Age and seniority matter: younger/junior person should wait for the senior to signal relaxation.
Examples
Common Mistakes
Incorrect: 先生、今日暇？ (to your teacher) → Correct: 先生、今日お時間ありますか？. Casual form to a teacher is inappropriate regardless of how friendly you are. Teachers generally receive at least teineigo
Incorrect: お母様、召し上がりますか？ (to your own mother) → Correct: お母さん、食べる？ / お母さん、食べますか？. Sonkeigo for your own mother is bizarre in normal conversation. Family uses plain or basic polite form
Quiz
Which register is appropriate for a new coworker you just met?